Five Ways to Navigate Identity Issues: Practical Tips for Finding Clarity and Self-Acceptance
I am a first-generation immigrant to the United States and have struggled with identity issues growing up. I was born in Pakistan, and after a few months, I moved to Iran. After living in Iran for 2.5 years, we moved to Ireland–where we lived for seven years. In Ireland, we moved every two years and lived in Tralee, Limerick, and Dublin. I was ten years old when we moved to America. Until the age of 12, we moved every two years. Phew!
New cities, new people, and having to reintroduce myself all over again. And again. I had to build new relationships and get acclimated to the new environment. Honestly, I didn't mind it and found it exciting to meet new people. Under normal circumstances, this may be difficult for children to adjust to, but I saw it as a fun game and a chance to reinvent myself.
When we moved to America, I was a ten-year-old Pakistani with a thick Irish accent. Now imagine the looks on people's faces when they heard my voice. When they went on to ask me where I was from, a confused face was an understatement.
As a Pakistani Muslim living in a modern Western world, I struggled with identity. I was too religious for some people and not religious enough for others. I was too Pakistani for some and not Pakistani enough for others. I was too American for some and not enough for others. Do you see where the identity issues come from? Who was I? This was a question I often asked myself.
In the US, I grew up in a small, predominantly white town. I was one of 2 Pakistanis in my class. While I was listening to Bollywood songs, my fellow classmates were listening to Lil Wayne. There needed to be more diversity, and I often felt I didn't belong. I felt out of place and couldn't quite find a place to fit into. Many people can relate to feeling that they don't belong or don't quite know who they are. Some may even experience an identity crisis.
An identity crisis refers to a time in a person's life when their sense of self is no longer confident or stable, leading to confusion and uncertainty. When we go through significant life changes, we can experience identity issues. My identity changed again as I went from single to wife to mother. It can be challenging to navigate all our roles while maintaining our personality and who we are. I learned to reconnect with pieces of my old self by doing activities that bring me joy.
Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist, is well known for his theory of psychosocial development, which includes a stage of development called "identity versus role confusion."
Erikson believed that identity formation is an ongoing process throughout an individual's life and that people can continue to refine and redefine their sense of self through new experiences and challenges. He also emphasized the importance of social relationships and cultural factors in shaping one's identity.
I was trying to fit myself into one box, but eventually, I realized that I fit into many different boxes and could relate to many different people. I realized that my uniqueness was a gift. As life progressed, I acquired new roles, and as Erikson mentioned, our identities are an ongoing process. I learned to embrace and accept myself as I am.
Here are five tips on how to deal with identity issues:
Embrace your differences: instead of trying to fit into a mold or conform to societal expectations, embrace your unique qualities and differences. Celebrate what makes you who you are, and strive to live authentically.
Embark on a self-discovery journey: try to journal, meditate, talk to your loved ones, and self-reflect on who you are and who you want to be.
Own it: flaunt your individuality and gain confidence in who you are as a unique person. Self-acceptance is so important, and give yourself grace as you get there.
Ignore the haters: people will always find a reason not to like you or say something negative, no matter what you do. Even then, continue to be authentically yourself. Continue to be kind.
Create a mental fitness plan: take care of your basic needs, work out, sleep at least 8 hours a day, eat nutritious food, and drink a lot of water. See a mental health professional or a coach to get the proper support.
So go out there and own who you are! You are amazing, just as you are. Remember, you are a miracle and are here for a reason!
Until next time, take care of yourself!
♡ Massoma
