Staying Sane in a Difficult Workplace: 5 Tips for Handling Challenging Coworkers
We've all been there, that one coworker who gets under your skin. Even the way they say hello irks you. I once had this coworker who seemingly appeared pleasant, but the more you got to know her, the more you realized her sneaky ways. She was outgoing and likable, so I overlooked her toxic ways until later. She took credit for my ideas several times and presented them as her own. She didn't defend me before our boss when she knew they were wrong. She also was very competitive and cagey with resources and opportunities. I let the negativity consume me and affect my work as well. When I learned and practiced some of these tips, my work quality and relationships improved!
Here are five ways to deal with a problematic coworker:
Avoid: I know you can't always avoid certain coworkers, and in some situations, it's better to speak up, but for the most part- avoid those that negatively affect your mental health. Pick your battles. You don't need over fight every single thing. When bothered by a particular incident (that isn't urgent or life-threatening), give yourself 48 hours to contemplate. If you are still bothered by it after 48 hours, calmly speak to that person. It's best to talk when your emotions have calmed down, and you are not in a heightened state. Avoid reacting emotionally, raising your voice, or engaging in confrontational behavior. Instead, maintain a calm and polite demeanor, listen attentively, and respond respectfully. By remaining professional and composed, you can avoid escalating the situation and focus on finding a solution. Interestingly, even though we scream, we don't hear each other.
Build a connection: Meet with your difficult coworker one-on-one outside of work. Ok, hear me out! You probably do not want to hang out with your difficult coworker, but you need to understand them to deal with them. I suggest taking them out for a coffee. It's short enough to leave if their voice gets too irritating and long enough to get a little idea about them. Some people are very different outside of work, which might help to see them in another light. It's good to get a different perspective on people. You can say, "Hey! I thought it might be nice to get to know each other better. Do you want to grab a coffee next week?" Also, meeting outside of work can build a deeper bond because you see each other as whole humans and not just coworkers. Remember, vulnerability creates connection. You may learn things about your coworker that help build empathy for them and understand why they act the way they do. Ask them open-ended questions and listen. This bond you make outside of work may help ease the tension. You may find that your cranky coworker is dealing with real personal life issues. Just remember to talk about something other than work! If you are virtual coworkers, you can do a virtual coffee date through Zoom or speak on the phone about anything but work.
Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on the negative behaviors of your toxic coworkers, focus on finding solutions to the problems they create. For example, if a coworker constantly interrupts your work, suggest a meeting to discuss how you can work together more effectively. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs and listen actively to their responses. Additionally, be prepared to negotiate and compromise to find a mutually beneficial solution. A proactive approach can reduce the stress and frustration of dealing with toxic coworkers.
Shift your focus: when you have an enriched life, you are less likely to fixate on your difficult coworkers. When you focus on your annoying coworkers, they become the center of your attention. When you focus on the good in your life and life outside of work, you can easily brush off minor nuisances. Realizing you can't change people but can change your reaction to them can be a game changer. So, focus on yourself and live your best life.
Dealing with toxic coworkers can be challenging and stressful, but some of the above strategies can help you manage the situation. I have a whole chapter in my book, "Take Your Lunch Break: Helpful Tips for Relieving Work-Related Stress," about how to deal with difficult coworkers, so feel free to refer to that for more tips! Feel free to email me massoma.alam@gmail.com and let me know your thoughts!
Until next time, take care of yourself!
