Navigating Social Exclusion: Ten Strategies for Dealing with Being Left Out
Is everyone hanging out without me? As Mindy Kaling likes to say. This a question many of us ask ourselves on a daily basis, especially while scrolling on social media. But don't feel disheartened! Several of us feel the same way. It is normal to feel upset when you see your friends hanging out and having a dandy ol’ time, wondering if your invite got lost in the mail. However, more times than not, it is NOT personal. How do we not take it personally and spin out of control in our thoughts about if we ever wronged someone or if something is wrong with us? So you may be wondering how to navigate through these emotions, well, I have a few tips on how to get a better handle on social exclusion.
First, we need to understand that it is OK not to be liked by everyone. Think about it - you may encounter many different personalities incompatible with you, so give yourself the same grace. Secondly, you need to understand that it is okay if people choose to hang out without you. It is not personal, so don’t make it personal. Everyone has their own place in this world, and no one can take that away from you. You are special and give your own flair to conversations. Understanding this can be challenging for people-pleasers like myself, who want to be liked by everyone, make everyone happy, and be invited everywhere, but it's possible! It's a hard pill to swallow, but you will not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's totally OK. Here are ten effective strategies for handling not being invited:
It's not personal: develop an understanding that it is not reasonable you will be invited everywhere every time and that it has nothing to do with you. You are your own unique individual, and no one can take that away from you. It's important to remember that not being invited to a party is not a reflection of your worth as a person.
Make your own plans: If you're feeling lonely or left out, reach out to friends and family for support. Plan your get-togethers or activities, or seek new opportunities to connect with others. By connecting with others, you can build new relationships and reduce feelings of isolation. Keep in touch with friends and check in on them often. Showing effort can be impactful.
Practice gratitude: Instead of focusing on what you don't have, try to focus on what you do have. This is one of the major issues with social media. Comparison is the thief of joy. You could be in Bora Bora but see some friends having a party on social media and feel FOMO. The feeling that somewhere else is better than here can be detrimental. Write down a list of things you're grateful for and remind yourself of the good things in your life. This can help to shift your perspective and reduce feelings of negativity.
Avoid negative comparisons: Avoid comparing yourself to others or making assumptions about why you were not invited. Instead, focus on your own life and what you bring to the table. Avoid comparing yourself to others, as this can only lead to feelings of negativity and inadequacy.
Focus on other activities: If you're not invited to a party, try to focus on other things that bring you joy and fulfillment. This could be spending time with friends or family, pursuing a hobby, or engaging in self-care. By focusing on other activities, you can shift your attention away from feeling upset or left out.
Separate facts from emotions: It can be tempting to take it personally when someone says or does something that feels hurtful. But it's important to recognize that what someone says or does may not necessarily be a reflection of you but rather a reflection of their own emotions or experiences. Try to separate the facts from your emotional reactions and focus on the situation objectively.
Practice self-reflection: Ask yourself why you're taking things personally and what underlying fears or insecurities are being triggered. This can help you understand your emotions and reactions and address the root cause of your sensitivity.
Develop a growth mindset: Shift your focus from being defensive or feeling hurt to viewing challenges as opportunities for growth and self-improvement. This mindset can help you to approach difficult situations with a positive attitude and to avoid taking things personally.
Use positive self-talk: Be kind and supportive to yourself by using positive self-talk and reframing negative thoughts. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, and focus on the things that bring you happiness and fulfillment.
Learn how to be a good friend: a good listener, show genuine interest in others, have good manners, be honest and authentic, optimistic, and offer help and support.
Now go out there, make some plans, and stop worrying about what others are doing! Enjoy your life, it’s too short to worry about why you weren’t invited. Their loss, anyway!
Until next time, take care of yourself!
