Seven ways to take your relationship to the next level!
Valentine's day is just around the corner, and many of us may feel that our relationship with our partners has taken a backseat as busy parents and working professionals. V-day can serve as an excellent reminder to nourish our relationships and give special attention to our significant other. All the while improving our wellness, as humans, we are very social beings, and one of the most critical aspects of our wellness is our relationship with others.
Just the other day, my friend asked me for relationship advice. While I’m no relationship expert, apart from the advanced-level relationship psychology class I took in undergrad and having read tons of literature on the subject, I have been in a healthy marriage for 7.5 years. Between personal experience, literature, and research, I have learned a few things about maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner.
Seven ways to improve your relationship with your partner:
Go big on what I like to call, "The Greet and the Goodbye." Greet your partner as if you haven't seen them in years with a big sweet hello, hug, and kiss! Similarly, say goodbye to them as if you may never see them again. Hold them tight, tell them you love them, and maybe something to look forward to when you reunite again, such as, "Can't wait for date night tonight!"
Don't humiliate or belittle your partner, especially in front of others. Always have mutual love and respect for each other. There's a difference between flirty banter and undermining your partner by making fun of them. Remember, you are on the same team!
Take a break in your workday to connect positively with your partner. Talking to your partner during the day reinforces your romance and lets the other know you are thinking of them. Prelude to seeing each other in the future with a little mystery can also be beneficial, for example, "Something funny just happened at work. I'll tell you all about it at dinner!"
Happy partner, happy life! I know we've all heard this before, but hear me out! Science proves it! A long-term study done on 130 couples by John Gottman, author of, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," indicated that husbands who let their wives influence them are in happier marriages and less likely to end in divorce compared to those who don't allow their wives to influence them. There is an 81% chance a man's marriage will fail if he refuses to share his power with his partner.
Learn how to argue in a healthy way. Conflict is a part of every relationship. Research shows that the happiest couples actively listen to their partner, can handle conflict, and try to understand their point of view. Tone and volume of voice are fundamental in arguments. It's best to maintain a calm manner and normal volume instead of yelling and screaming. A calm demeanor will prevent the fight from escalating and lead to a more constructive conversation. Keep in mind calmness is contagious! If you struggle to stay calm it may be a good idea to get some space. This may mean going outside and taking a few deep breaths. Communicate with your partner your needs, "I just need a few minutes." It's better to take a few minutes to cool down and then continue the conversation than to say something hurtful that you can never take back.
Use "I" statements as opposed to "you" statements. For example, "I felt hurt and sad when date night was canceled" instead of "You chose work over me again! You don't care about me!" It helps to focus on your feelings instead of attacking the other person and their character.
Create a safe space for your partner to communicate. It’s a known fact that communication is vital in marriage but what they fail to tell you is that you, as a partner, can facilitate by creating a psychologically safe environment for your partner to be able to open up. This means not reacting to everything that person says (I know this can be hard!) but giving them space to talk, trying to be non judgemental when listening, and listening to listen, not just to respond. Sometimes validating their feelings and giving them space to express themselves without offering solutions is the best approach. You can even ask, “Do you want me to just listen or to offer solutions?” On the other hand, you can tell your partner what you need, for example, “I just want to vent. Can you hold me?”
Now get out there and schedule your date night! Happy Valentine's Day to all you love birds!
Until next time, take care of yourself!
